Back home (again)

It’s been a week and two days since coming back from Bali and again I’m in that ‘floating’ stage where I want to still chill and travel, but at the same time I’ve got aspirations in ten different directions. I can’t seem to find the ability to focus on a single endeavour. I just want to test the waters of everything at the same time AND THEN pick one to invest in. The annoying thing that I still haven’t learned to accept (how immature of me), is that it all takes time. Time to get used to. Time to develop. Time to determine viability. Time to make friends. Time for things to feel/look positive. Like I always think, that’s just life eh?

So, coming back on the third leg from Cairns to Sydney I wasn’t in any mood to plan the ‘what’s next’ of my life. I was just heading home because I wasn’t having fun in Bali. Things were in fact looking more positive toward the end though. I was actually developing friendships I wanted to bloom, and it was just easy to live there. But I wasn’t making money, nor did I have a companion to go around Bali with to explore. I didn’t really have another country I desired to visit either, so home I went. I know Sydney isn’t a place I want to live. It’s my temporary home. A place I leave my things, I guess. And yes, see family and few friends. I don’t hate it. I’d just rather be spending all of my 20s in foreign places.

Being in this decade of your life can feel like a love-hate relationship. I love that I have curiosity to learn and discover and experience new things. I love that I’m more adaptable, flexible, worry-free, and have the energy to see and do physical activities. I mean sure you can be all these things at 30 or 40. But perhaps the biggest difference is having less responsibilities, and less worries. Like health insurance, starting a family, investing in property, superannuation bla bla. But the hate side to this decade? There’s always uncertainty. Periods of happiness, frustration, confusion. Things change quickly, your motivations are erratic. Ugh. This is me anyway. I envy the people who have fallen in love with their lifestyle/jobs and are at that stage where they have security of feeling of fulfilment. That they’ve tried a lot of things and have found the one passion they’ve settled for. So I’m aiming to get there one day, and try to enjoy this journey of confusion.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and moving over the past week. Right now I’m setting up my home massage practice and it’s looking good so far! Got a balinese purple-white theme going, all that’s left is to pick up my massage table, get a rug, some linen and more oil supplies. Interior decorating is fun 😀 . At the moment I’m thinking of just starting out with friends/family – safe clientele 😛 – then I’ll see about advertising locally and what prices to charge. Besides this little project:

  • I’m getting more tattoos on my arms so I did some research and designing (getting them done tonight wee!)
  • I’m contemplating applying for cabin crew with Qatar Airways. I just haven’t been bothered with the application process that requires a full body shoot and virtual interview aaaannnnd I’d need to fly to Melbourne for the open day and assessment day (if I get through). Though the more I research cabin crew, the less the job appeals to me. It’s normally a 3 year contract but perhaps I could try it for a year or two. It does provide that constantly changing environment I need.
  • I’ve been looking for jobs in the hotel industry. This is a way for me to eventually be able to work and live overseas – my dream. I don’t want to stay in Sydney so I thought about moving overseas then finding work. But it’s difficult with the visa, sponsorship, and it’s a struggle starting out. So I thought I’d get into a hotel chain that operates around the world, and then apply to get transferred.
  • I’ve been cleaning the house non-stop!! This is actually a personal therapy for me. Cleaning things up and organising things clears and calms my mind. I love de-cluttering. I just feel so much more at peace looking and living in a neat space. Not that I’m a neat freak – mess is fine. Just as long at it gets cleaned up and doesn’t build up over time. I dumped a whole load of stuff at Vinnies – such a good feeling. 
  • I’ve been putting stuff up for sale. Gumtreee, Facebok, Ebay. Things I no longer have use can make someone else happy so I’m selling my guitar, amp and accessories, and a bunch of shoes that are barely worn and in new condition.

Man time just gets eaten up. But it’s not so healthy for me to think about time. This is exactly the reason why I don’t like being in Sydney. All I do (and probably what everyone does) is think about what to do with their time. Plan, plan, and PLAN. But really, we have so much time in our lives. I’ll be discovering and trying new things for decades to come. I’m never settling.

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